Muderous Sex Face

Let's focus on this site maskon.com.
Where we can look at this:


And this:


And celebrate people like this:

I haven't really gotten the chance to wrap my head around this website. Those masks for sale are terrifying. Sure, sure... latex artists are amazing. Yes, transgenderness is fascinating. As well as sexual kinkiness. But I am trying to place WHY these mask are unsettling to me in EVERY way imaginable.

Is it my previous knowledge of witnessing gore films? Is it simply a leathery, deformed face that makes me think of terror and chainsaw massacre? No human flesh is exposed... making a desensitized monster?

Is it the actual construction of these masks? The fact that fake eyes are painted on. That the mouth is sealed shut. The latex folds over and contorts each face, creating multiple necks and chins. The artist talks about the 'realism' of the faces, yet fake moustaches are used for the eyebrows?

Or Is it the unbelievable creepy ordinaryness of it all. The plain sandy blonde wig. The business woman suit. The casual pose. I mean, her name is Kate!



Please Todd. Help me here.

-dd.


Hhhmmm....I've been intrigued by this since I sent that website to you. It seems to be a offshoot of transgenderism, but its different than my experiences with people who are transgender. The transgenders that I know are striving to attain either the gender that they inherently are, or a mix of both female/male genders, thus 'transending' the current gender roles.

The personal experiences that I've had with transgenders has been very simple and honest and to the point - the common message that they have always said to me has been, "This is who I am. Please understand and respect that." It has always been an honest and courageous statement, and I love and support my friends who are able to express that.

But, I do have to admit, these masks don't sit well with me. Because, to me, a mask strips all identity of a human soul. You lack the eyes. You lack the expression. You lack the flesh - the realization that you are interacting with a human being. Everything that gives feeling to what makes up a person is gone. I have always thought that transgenders strive for others to know who they are as people. This covers it up, to a great extent. The masks frighten me because I am not able to see/know who these people are. It almost to me is the opposite side of the pendulum; striving to strip yourself of ALL individuality in order to become something else. And in that sense, I lose all pathos because there is nothing for me to connect with. It becomes a hyper-extesion of cosplay where only the 'characture' is left (I'm a big fan of cosplay, I might add). Cosplay relies upon people becoming who they are on the inside - you keep the original person and build/elaborate off of that. No human quality means no human feelings from me. It becomes a living Barbie doll. Thats not a good thing.

However, even in the realm of female latex mask making, there are exceptions, and I do find some to be amazing.



Here is an example of latex mask making that I think is amazing:




I find this picture to be amazing/beautiful. And you know why? You can see the persons eyes. It's a real connection being made. Despite all outwardly appearances, the connection to the human soul is made right there. I am able to relate and symathize immediatly.


Here is an example of latex mask making that unsettles me:



In this example, I am completly unsettled by the lack of human eyes and the outlandishness of it. This reminds me of the faries in The Ocarina Of Time and Majora's Mask. It loses all human qualities to me by becoming a hyper-characture. Plus, I think I see a nipple through that gold suit.


I see and understand the allusion to the horror films. The whole point of people wearing masks in horror films (and to a certain extent, people wearing masks in general) is to transform someone into someone else. You strip the individuality of the original person and you superimpose another one on top. In horror films, masks are used in a fashion to either allow 'the killer' to do the acts of violence, or allows the audience to not connect to 'the killer' because they lack the emotional connection to a person. If you can't see who it is, then you can't relate to them. It immediatly pits the audience agains the antagonist in the mask.

For example :




FREAKY! NO EYES! Lack of flesh!




Not freaky.


We should each buy one of these masks and wear them around to see what it's like.

But I don't want a mask where I have multiple latex necks/chins. That's where I draw the line.

- T

BORE-scars.

I racked my brain last night for the featured topic of today, Donna. There are just so many interesting things that we can talk about. Here is the list I came up with:

- Lohan's 'Parent Trap'. Not so much talking about it as a subject, but the validity of the pictures. Is it real? Is it photoshopped? Are the new pictures surfacing of her wearing undergarments photoshopped?! My faith in visual media is being questioned.

- Project FUNway. Since the start of the first season, somehow I've become a fashion critic. This is particularly hilarious, since the last article of clothing I bought was a scarf. In May. Being that we are getting close to the final three, I wanted to discuss and possibly start a bet with you as to who will be in the top three. Plus, I wanted an excuse to rip into Vincent.

- Pictures of Ms. Hilton handcuffed. Though I am pretty sure there are other 'videos' out there of this same action happening.

- I'm just putting this out there : Clay Aitken is on the President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities.

- The band Pavement. Not for any reason. I just like talking about Pavement.

- The lack of respect that fruit-flavored sodas get. You know, like Orange, Grape, or (the ruler of them all) Strawberry Crush.


But as I lay awake in my bed last night, I could not grasp the magnitude of this topic right here. I woke up this morning in terror sweats from a nightmare I had (it involved a headless man who was a serial killer), and I didn't think that I could experience anything more frightening than that today. I was so wrong.

Look at the face of this years Oscar host.





* I proceed to slit my wrists *

- T


Todd, you can't distract me with all those other possible topics. Lohan vagina is one thing, the demise of the Academy Awards is another.

What has happened to Ellen? Day time talk shows turn people into monsters. I have always thought she was a good stand-up comedian. Plus, when it comes to the female comedian department there are so few that provide laughs. But talk shows are these crazy ego revolving spectacles of humanity. It's creating a brand out of your personality. Your thoughts, opinions and facial expressions become a daily reality for television viewers and fans. That would give me the heebie-geebies BIG TIME. But whatever, Ellen wants more Ellen in the world. Which makes the Oscars a perfect platform for mass Ellenism!

I have to say though, I don't really have the passion behind this topic. Definitely not enough for wrist slitting. Mostly because the Oscars REALLY suck. Just because cinema is amazing does not make the Oscars morally just. But competition and celebrity cleavage makes for great tv... or at least a decent drinking game. Cannes is really the only film festival with unpredictable judging. Mostly because the judges are all eccentric, nutbag filmmakers.

Im sure Ellen will do just a fine, dandy and safe job hosting the Oscars. After the three hour long debacle you will once again ask yourself "That was it? That was suppose to be worth the wait?" But hopefully you will be drunk and passed out by that point. The only justice that an Oscar host could provide would be brutal critism. Someone like, yes, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Somebody needs to be on stage and call out the suck films. Someone NEEDS to say "Leo, we are sick of you in Scorcese films. Go home."

Didn't Ellen once make fun of Bjork by dressing up in the swan dress? How low, how low.

-dd.

NEW BASEMENT JAXX ALBUM.

Once upon a time, when I was a young male youth, I used to attend these social events called 'dances' at my Junior High. I was an awkward youth at the time - I would have these dreams/visions where I would walk up to 'the popular girl' during a Richard Marx song, pull her close to me and kiss her. Later, we would go back to my house where it would be empty (quite a feat for a large family like mine, Donna, one that never happened until I moved out to my own place) where we would proceed to play 2-player Contra and make out.

This never happened. HOWEVER, 'the popular girl' once asked me to dance with her. I got REALLY excited and eager, and as a typical youth who was raised on doritos and movies, I figured that 'this was my opportunity' to show 'the popular girl' that, despite my outcast nature, that I was acutally 'an innovative spirit seeped in individuality' which would break her out of her 'popular girl' routine of fake-ness and surface relationships. I blame John Hughes ENTIRELY for this mindset. So, after she asked me to dance, I got excited and eager, and hoping that this was 'my chance' I asked her to wait until the next slow song came on. Like a angel sent from the heavens, the next slow song was that Richard Marx song. I pushed my way through the throngs of sweaty pre-teen groping looking for 'the popular girl'. I found her, but she was dancing with 'the basketball star' (it was jr. high; no football team, but that was to come later in high school) and awkwardly making out. I had the promise and the dream of something cool and exciting, and it was squashed. I went home to play Nintendo. On a side note, I think I beat Ninja Gaiden that night - not an easy feat, if I do say so myself.

So what does this have to do with the new Basement Jaxx album? Two things.

1) When I came here to see the topic of discussion today, I was excited about it! But on closer inspection, I saw that nothing had been written about it. It was like that night at the dance. The hopeful introduction, the dreams of greater things to come, and then it was all cut short by the curt reality of...well...reality.

2) Donna, the above situation scarred me away from all things 'dancing'. I look like an jellyfish being electrocuted. Now, I've never electrocuted a jellyfish, but I'm sure one of two things will happen if you did. It will either just lie there and eventually smoke and erupt into flames, or it will spaz out in a wild manner with all it's tentacles. And everyone knows that if you get hit by a jellyfish tentacle, you are bound to be injured. I know very little about dance music because of this.

So, on that note, I am going to try to start up the topic.

So...Donna...I heard that there is a new Basement Jaxx album. Yeah! There is a cover. Personally, I think they photoshopped that boombox on the dog. I don't think that a 'boombox dog' really exists, mainly because changing it's batteries would be a pain.

The one clip of a song from the album reminds me of Erasure.

As you can see, I have a glaring ignorance to electronic/dance music. Help a brother out here.

- T

Oops. Guess I misunderstood the blog directive.

I guess I should have known from my previous experience with you, Todd, that there is a gap of knowledge within the electronic music realm. So to bring this topic for discussion is a bit unfair. But when it comes to Basement Jaxx, there simply must be opinions. These guys are out of their gourd when it comes to producing an album and every critic seizes the opportunity to try and dissect the Jaxx.

But, I understand why you were so drawn to discuss the radio dog on their new album. Jaxx has been around for years and have made four massive albums. In my opinion, these albums are as superficial as their covers. And the evolution:
1999
2001
2003
2006
At the time of Rooty, I could not get enough of that ape face. It was as equally freaky as the songs on the album. And the Remedy cover has always intimidated the shit out of me. That album was so fresh, original and downright nasty that it felt like if you played it a golden orgy might just actually happen. Then came Kish Kash... WHAT a disappointment. I think I went out and bought the album the first day it came out. I was sitting in my car with a friend. We put on the album and literally cried out "Dear God!" It was such an invasion of sound with the WORST possible guest vocals. Everybody from N'Snyc stars to Meshell Ndegeocello appeared on the damn thing. Yes, the production is insane. Every three seconds something new appears but it's like they had turrets when in the studio. Insert moan here. Insert cough there. Insert laughter now. Insert keyboard solo. But some people thought it was the most amazing thing ever, as I thought it was completely unlistenable.

Then comes the new album that was released this week. Have you heard the new single Hush Boy? The lyrics are something about having bad mexican food on a date while trying to look like a sexy girlfriend. Every track has the same horrible pop catastrophe sound as the previous album. And this is DANGEROUS. When Basement Jaxx creates this kind of music it ruins lives! Do you not feel like you could instantly go into a stroke when Where's Your Head At comes over the airwaves? They are writing from the dark side of some combination ecstasy and acid trip, while producing expensive albums with celebrity guest stars... Music from the devil! (If the devil was covered in sequins and cocaine) I want Basement Jaxx to stop making music. It's sad but true. Or at least keep it inside the European continent. I'll take it when Im vacationing in a discotheque.

-dd.



YIKES! So far, based solely on the album covers, I'm not a big fan. This is what I think of when I see the cover for Kish Kash.



Anything that reminds me of THAT isn't so big in my book.

So, to be honest, I come from ZERO exposure to the Basement Jaxx. I thought it was that band that did that "Guess I Didn't Know 'Ya" song. You know, the one with the 'woooo' alarm sounds and that 'get busy, child' vocal loop - by the way, who is that band if it's not Basement Jaxx? Anyways, I'm pretty sure that song was in the Matrix, but I haven't seen the Matrix in years, so I can't give a definitive answer.

Back to the subject at hand. As I have not really heard the Basement Jaxx, I will give you my critical analysis of the single you mentioned, the one about mexican food. I'm hoping that the subject of said song has 'intestinal problems' (if you get what I mean) just because if the subject doesn't, then my interest is going to wane FAST. Please note that I am not eating today in order to have money to purchase said song (.99 cents = 2/3rds of a Jumbo Jack) and that I am listening to this song for the first time while commenting on it.

Starting song....

:01 - :03 = Disco horns. I see your allusion to sequins and coke.

:04 - :08 = AW fuck! This is going to be the worst 3:52 seconds ever. "crazy itch radio"? I should of gotten a Jumbo Jack.

:08 - :11 = I thought my CD was skipping at this time. Then I realized I downloaded the song, so no CD.

:11 - :28 = Instantly reminded of a disco-y version of Ice Ice Baby. 'hush, hush baby......hush, hush baby....'

:28 - :37 = Immediatly, my suspension of belief in the validity of this song is questioned. I know the song is eventually going to be about mexican food. But who buys new shoes and drinks champange when eating mexican food? I certainly don't. And I would seriously question the mental state of my date if SHE DID buy new shoes for our mexican food date as well as order champange with the meal. Do taquerias even serve champange?

:38 - :45 = *pausing the song to look up 'mexican food fine dining' on Google* Sure, a bunch of Tapas places comes up, but that is spanish food. Is this song REALLY about mexican food? I think she's confused between the two cultures. So far, this song isn't doing it for me.

:46 - :53 = oooohhh...sexy talk. But personally, I would be a bit worried if he would want 'my toes'. I'm all about the foot/toe fetishes, but after a night of dancing to this gem? I think they should shower first before any toe-sucking action. Hygene, 'ya know?

:54 - :56 = You know, I hate it when other people think that you are 'intoxicated' if you want to suck on someones toes. Thats why they call it a 'fetish' - let a toe-sucker be! Quit hatin'!

:57 - 1:09 = AW FUCK! IS THAT THE CHORUS?!? Does this mean I have to listen to it multiple times?!

1:10 - 1:17 = FUCK! IT IS THE CHORUS!

1:18 - 1:26 = Yeah. horns. I'm morning the fact that I should of bought a Jumbo Jack.

1:27 - 1:29 = OH! Casa Bonita! Chicken fajitas! They ARE at a mexican food place. Shit, this is making me hungry now......

1:30 - 1:34 = OK. I hate how she pronounces words. Her accent is worse than mine. I want to punch her in the teeth, and then steal her fajitas.

1:35 - 1:41 = Looking back on my life, I don't think I've ever taken a date out to mexican food. Sure, I've gone with people who I've dated to a mexican food place, or we go get mexican food before we are actually dating. You know, during the 'hanging out' phase. But I'm not about to ask someone on a 'serious date' to Chevy's. However, it seems like the popular thing to do, since not only is this girl here on this date, but the dude's ex is also on a date at the mexican food resturant. Maybe this is why I'm single - I need to start taking women I meet out for fajitas. Time to change my dating habits.

1:42 - 1:50 = More sexy talk. No toes this time. Guess he really isn't into the toes....faker.

1:51 - 1:54 = Did he just knock the drinks over? I betcha he fucked up her new shoes while doing this.

1:55 - 2:29 = It's the damn chorus again, this time with a breakdown. I hate this.

2:30 - 2:46 = I know why they call this part 'the bridge'....it makes me want to jump off it and kill myself. "butterfly kisses"? "sometimes dreams come true"?! I'm sorry, but 'dreams come true' for me doesn't involve public displays of affection while scarfing down a fajita as your margarita gets poured on your brand new shoes.

2:47 - 2:49 = Is this the same song? Did he say "gucci marshmellow flip-down"?

2:50 - 3:10 = I mentally have shut down at this point in time. Worst part of song.

3:11 - 3:15 = Spoke too soon...forgot about the chorus.

3:16 - 3:27 = Please let this end soon....

3:28 - 3:43 = In shock.

3:44 - END = Thank you for remining me, Basement Jaxx, as to who made this song. Fuck you Basement Jaxx, you are first up against the wall when the revolution happens.

Donna, you totally owe me 99 cents or a Jumbo Jack. With cheese. You need to get me one with cheese just to make up for that experience.

- T


Well, you had to go and purchase the damn song. Not my fault buddy. I said it was shit. Perhaps my description seduced you. Such is the likes of satan. You could have heard it for free through their youtube video posting. Just incase the song is not visual enough for you... here is the actual 'date' at the Mexican restaurant (I would love to see you punch her teeth in just to see them collect in her cleavage):



And I might as well post this one too... another track from the new album. Which you would have had better luck with your 99 cents. In my opinion, much better track (still not old basement jaxx amazing) and much better video (learn your new dance moves here):



Of course, both of these videos were posted on Sir Pitchfork today. But like I said... critics love this shit.

From my preview of the album, the only song that sounds up my alley is "Hey U". Even though the lyrics are still painful... it makes my ass move. And the track "On the Train" sounds like a straight Gnarls rip. But I do, I DO want them taken out when the revolution happens. They have done GREAT unjustice. But because I am a devil worshipper, I would still fork over the money to see them when they tour. Does that even make sense?

And as a side note to your Gwen Stefani art reminder. THAT cover reminds me of THIS album:



Which in turn reminds of THIS album:



So, I can't really hate on it.

-dd.




Now, now, now, now Donna. Don't bring Beck/Sea Changes into this. Keep Beck seperated from this. I just started to listen to Sea Changes again and I don't want it ruined by harajaku girls.

You see, you should of posted the videos first. The second one, while not fantastic, is actually pretty good. The song is decent, and I'm always intrigued when you have cute brunettes, dancing russians and huge balalaikas.

This is a balalaika, cause I know you don't know what a balalaika is.



Back to the Basement Jaxx:

I'm wondering what type of mexican food resturant that is. It's not a normal mexican food resturant. It's not a normal resturant, for that matter. While it seems like there are a bazillion waiters there, it seems like they are too busy dancing to pay attention to those having dinner. There is a table in the background of this video that has a glass of water that is empty....are they supposed to fill that up? This entire video/song reminds me of a rejected episode of The Parkers.

And I realized what my problem is with this band. It's a lack of 'branding'. The two songs I've heard are insanely ecclectic. I could not tell you by the songs that the Basement Jaxx wrote those songs. They seem to come from two seperate dimentions. I bet the album is filled with 'singles'. No coherency. And this is the state of music today - albums made up entirely of singles vs. a coherent theme. Let's take Sea Change, for example, since you brought Beck into this conversation. Sea Change is brilliant. The songs play into and off of each other. You can tell it was written by a single entity at a single time. It's the sign of a great album. Where we should be living in a world where we have more albums like Astral Weeks and Sea Change, we get more albums like this.

It's your dark demeanor, Donna, that makes you want to go see the Basement Jaxx. You are an enigma to me at times. A dark, gothy enigma that enjoys the Basement Jaxx.

I, on the other hand, am going to go back to moping around while listening to Beck, Van Morison, this one song by Franz Ferdinand I've had on loop all day and "I've Got My Mind Set On You" by George Harrison.





I am expecting a Jumbo Jack (with cheese) from you. Send it in the mail if you have to.

- T