BORE-scars.

I racked my brain last night for the featured topic of today, Donna. There are just so many interesting things that we can talk about. Here is the list I came up with:

- Lohan's 'Parent Trap'. Not so much talking about it as a subject, but the validity of the pictures. Is it real? Is it photoshopped? Are the new pictures surfacing of her wearing undergarments photoshopped?! My faith in visual media is being questioned.

- Project FUNway. Since the start of the first season, somehow I've become a fashion critic. This is particularly hilarious, since the last article of clothing I bought was a scarf. In May. Being that we are getting close to the final three, I wanted to discuss and possibly start a bet with you as to who will be in the top three. Plus, I wanted an excuse to rip into Vincent.

- Pictures of Ms. Hilton handcuffed. Though I am pretty sure there are other 'videos' out there of this same action happening.

- I'm just putting this out there : Clay Aitken is on the President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities.

- The band Pavement. Not for any reason. I just like talking about Pavement.

- The lack of respect that fruit-flavored sodas get. You know, like Orange, Grape, or (the ruler of them all) Strawberry Crush.


But as I lay awake in my bed last night, I could not grasp the magnitude of this topic right here. I woke up this morning in terror sweats from a nightmare I had (it involved a headless man who was a serial killer), and I didn't think that I could experience anything more frightening than that today. I was so wrong.

Look at the face of this years Oscar host.





* I proceed to slit my wrists *

- T


Todd, you can't distract me with all those other possible topics. Lohan vagina is one thing, the demise of the Academy Awards is another.

What has happened to Ellen? Day time talk shows turn people into monsters. I have always thought she was a good stand-up comedian. Plus, when it comes to the female comedian department there are so few that provide laughs. But talk shows are these crazy ego revolving spectacles of humanity. It's creating a brand out of your personality. Your thoughts, opinions and facial expressions become a daily reality for television viewers and fans. That would give me the heebie-geebies BIG TIME. But whatever, Ellen wants more Ellen in the world. Which makes the Oscars a perfect platform for mass Ellenism!

I have to say though, I don't really have the passion behind this topic. Definitely not enough for wrist slitting. Mostly because the Oscars REALLY suck. Just because cinema is amazing does not make the Oscars morally just. But competition and celebrity cleavage makes for great tv... or at least a decent drinking game. Cannes is really the only film festival with unpredictable judging. Mostly because the judges are all eccentric, nutbag filmmakers.

Im sure Ellen will do just a fine, dandy and safe job hosting the Oscars. After the three hour long debacle you will once again ask yourself "That was it? That was suppose to be worth the wait?" But hopefully you will be drunk and passed out by that point. The only justice that an Oscar host could provide would be brutal critism. Someone like, yes, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Somebody needs to be on stage and call out the suck films. Someone NEEDS to say "Leo, we are sick of you in Scorcese films. Go home."

Didn't Ellen once make fun of Bjork by dressing up in the swan dress? How low, how low.

-dd.